HOW HIRING WORKS

There's a misconception amongst applicants that you enter some sort of Octagon where you're challenged in battle to determine your worthiness for ascension to a higher realm or some shit. Couldn't be further from the truth. The fact that you're interviewing at all means that nobody knew anybody good for the job, nobody knew anybody who knew anybody who was good for the job, and now they're winnowing through the chaff of whatever Craigslist (or your local Polish equivalent) splashed across the transom.

In any organization large enough to have a Human Resources officer, this execrable process goes through HR. HR is useless. HR has no understanding of the position. HR is chronically disrespected, universally reviled by everyone in the company, and 100%, all the time, without exception, butthurt about the fact that nobody is even the slightest bit impressed by their long list of useless certifications. And the initial winnowing of candidates passes through - you guessed it - HR.

It's not that HR is completely worthless. It's that they're mostly worthless. They're great for getting benefits programs set up, making sure that the company's health plan is competitive, standing over you awkwardly while you clean out your desk, etc. But they generally have no fucking clue how to do anyone else's job. So what they can do is evaluate how well you will "fit in with company culture." Which basically allows them to devise their favorite Purity Tests to run their test subjects through.

Here's the reality of the situation - nobody is worried about whether you can do the job right now 100% the way they want you to do it. They've got weird-ass idiosyncrasies that you're going to have to learn no matter how competent you are. Really, the questions are "are you trainable" and "how much of a pain in the ass will that be" and "are you going to piss everyone off in the meantime."

HR would love to believe they can answer these questions. They can't. Again, mostly useless. However, they can ask those questions and give their opinion and since they're HR, they can't ask those questions directly, or make a reasonable assessment, or otherwise function like reasonable human beings. So they have to misinterpret the mission, come up with stupid questions and otherwise Dance the HR Dance so that they can justify their paychecks.

Congratulations. You just danced. No idea if you danced successfully. Keep in mind that nobody gives the first fuck what HR thinks about anything other than "we can't hire him because he has a criminal record involving embezzling."