I'm on here a lot about my issues and how I feel and things like that. I hope that's no big deal. I'm just having a lot of problems with things in life right now.
Right now, I feel like a failure. If you've seen my previous post (chances are that you haven't), you should know that I've been having a lot of trouble finding something I like doing and will do as a career or something like that.
But it's not just that I'm having trouble finding it. It's also that when I do find something I'm interested in, I try to pursue it but I just can't. Sometimes I can't do it because I don't have the money, sometimes I have no clue how to start pursuing, sometimes I just quit looking because I don't know if I'd like it and using that time trying to learn it is awful and I don't like any second of it... The list goes on.
And that's one of the reasons why I feel like a failure. Because I don't know what I like. I don't know myself and what I would love doing and trying to figure out what that "thing" is, is something I can't/don't want to do. That sounds a bit weird, right? I don't want to find that "thing". But I just don't. Even if people tell me "Go try!", it just makes me want to not do it even more. It's like if I do that and fail, I'll disappoint my friends and the people that support my decision. Which has happened several times.
Whenever I mention to my friend Adam that I want to "research and learn things about this", he almost always asks, "How long are you gonna be at it this time?" My friends are getting tired of me constantly being lost in life and honestly, I am too. I hate this. It's not fun. It's no free time. My free time is dedicated to wallowing about in self-pity, pretty much. I don't like myself. I honestly think sometimes that if someone could help me out and walk with me through a few different career paths (or even introduce me into some of them so I can get my feet wet) I would be doing better. But that's not an actual thing, now is it? I don't think so.
My apologies for this rant-ish thing. I'm fed up with myself. If anyone has any kind of advice or anything, that would be cool. I want to hear your thoughts.