All you want to do is do what you want. But every time you get what you want, you look forward and keep getting more, achieving more, becoming more. This is called progress.
However, there are particular things in mind that you don't have, even though you want them. Badly. You may never get or achieve these things. Maybe you don't deserve it? Maybe you just haven't tried hard enough? Maybe you're on the way there right now, and just need to keep pushing? What do you want, Hubski?
What is it that is keeping you up at night, or caught your eye that one time? What keeps you ticking and gets you up in the morning, driving your desire in its pursuit? Is it a girl, a guy, a new garden or a great new car? A candy bar?
Eternal sunshine? Unconditional love? Perhaps pain, pity, or hatred?
To avoid splitting this into two separate posts, distinguish between what is in your reach, and what you feel you may never have.
Subscribe to #vaguequestionsbypablo for daily questions to bring Hubski together, as we slowly move away from who you are, and start talking about what's around you.
I want self-acceptance, but also the gumption to change myself to become closer to my ideal self.
I want to know where you learned words like gumption. What is your ideal self?
I come from an area of the world (Newfoundland, Canada) where old words, and old meanings of words linger. I'm a lover of words, especially ones that are very, very specific things. "Susurrus", for the rustling sounds of wind through leaves, or "Isthmus", which is a land bridge connecting two larger land areas. What is my ideal self? I'm thinking more outwardly at the moment I'm working on the inward self improvement too, but the mills of the gods grind exceedingly slowly. The smallness of their grind, however, makes it worth it. Outwardly, I'm striving for about 50lbs lighter (working my way from the heaviest I've ever been), and a more androgynous outward persona and look. I just don't really visually or sexually identify any longer with the more heavily "manly" look i've cultivated over the past few years.
Right now I want more control of my life. That's not to say that I feel like things are out of control. I once had a conversation with a friend wherein he commented on my ambition and that I'm power-hungry, but power-hungry in the sense that I want complete power over how my own life goes, not power over other people. I'm not saying that I don't like working with others or that I bridle under authority, but that I don't ever want to find myself in a position where I'm forced to make a poor choice because other options are unavailable. But, life is messy and all that one can reasonably do (as far as I know), is prepare for the hard times and enjoy the good times.
Hmm. When I hit reply, this quote was automatically filled in in the comment. I shall leave it that way. We can call it serendipity. I would just call you a control freak, and I would say that you are in good company here. I always want to know the exact status of where things are, where they are going; sometimes this causes me to rush ahead because I don't like things that are nebulous or undefined. I understand that in life, many things gradually develop, and so wanting to immediately fit anything into a box (what am I doing? where am I going? how is the status of this friendship/relationship? am I mad at this person? - translating into trigger-quick "I am done with this person" responses sometimes) is sometimes disadvantageous. I work on tempering it. I like definitions. I like metrics. I like being able to look at numbers and knowing I need to meet them and if I want to excel, I simply need to beat the numbers. Sadly - and excitingly - life is rarely so explicitly defined.But, life is messy and all that one can reasonably do (as far as I know), is prepare for the hard times and enjoy the good times.
I think when you have the comment highlighted by double-clicking on it, it automatically goes in as a quote in the reply box. I noticed that earlier. It's not written anywhere, so i'm curious what other little features this is has that we simply don't know about.
"Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" is a quote that has always stuck with me throughout my life. Also, another somewhat relevant quote to that is; "Under-promise, over deliver.But, life is messy and all that one can reasonably do (as far as I know), is prepare for the hard times and enjoy the good times.
For those of you who participated last time, it might be useful to consider this a chance to update us. I want to be thinner. I don't think I will ever satisfy this want. Not to say I will never lose weight; I have gained & also lost weight before, separately and together. I view my life as an eternal process of becoming more fit. So I would like to think I am progressing towards this want, although lately :) I think I have been making negative progress. In order to cope with this want I have to remind myself often to take things easy on myself and that no one's perfect - it's no fun to beat yourself up after a meal or a day of indulgence! It can lead to negative mental habits. I think that this "want" is probably a driving want I will have in me my entire life. It seems somewhat innate. I think we can attribute this to society, and a few other notable factors. It's okay though. Without this "want" I might become an overindulging monster of 300+lb. Who knows? I don't!
I really hope that you have an honest and critical attitude to this. I've seen the destruction that anorexia can bring and I really don't wish that on anyone. Well, last time I commented that I didn't knew what I wanted. I've had some amazing weeks where I feel like I have progressed quite a lot on this. There are some exciting steps that I'm taking to make next year even better than this one, and maybe progress is all I really need. We'll see. Right now I am just struggling with what's important to me. Am I really learning or just doing busy work? How do I know that what I do matters? How do I know I'm good at skills, how do I know those are important to me? But I'm making progress, both in those questions and in my life. That's good, I think.I want to be thinner. I don't think I will ever satisfy this want.
For those of you who participated last time, it might be useful to consider this a chance to update us.
:) I have been to a lot of therapy about this. It is probably going to be a lifelong want, that as I said I can never satisfy - but I'm in a good place mentally. I just recognize that the underlying desire that can lead to those really unhealthy mental places is still there. I don't hate myself. I don't think I look ugly. I consider it a condition, more like a cancer than a cold: it is in remission. I can probably never fully shake it. But as long as I treat myself well and manage it the way I've learned to, hopefully if I begin to take really negative self-destructive steps I can recognize them and prevent myself from going further down a corridor. I've never had full-blown anorexia* and hopefully, I never will. *This asterisk is a symbolic caveat. There have been times I have got by on eating very little to nothing for stretches at a time. However, psychologically speaking, I don't qualify.I really hope that you have an honest and critical attitude to this. I've seen the destruction that anorexia can bring and I really don't wish that on anyone.
I want to finish school and strive in newfound independence
I want an attractive stranger to see me walking around the streets of New York, halt my train of thought by grabbing my arm, look into my eyes and say with a completely sincere smile, "I know exactly what you mean" and then I want to feel whatever feelings I should feel that would mean they're being honest and I believe them. I don't want to be read like an open book, but I want to find the person that can recognize everything I have inside and fully appreciate what it is I always struggle and kill myself to express.
I am fortunate, and really don't need anything, but I'd love a new job right about now. A good job. Finding a job in my field and location is pretty easy. Finding a really good one that I'll enjoy is another thing entirely.
I want to finish the photography book I'm putting together. I also want to have an income doing something I'm good at and that doesn't threaten my motivation to work on my own projects. I want to be able to afford to live in a place of my own, to share with my girlfriend and the people I love I want eventually to trigger a nation-wide paradigm shift from modernism to some neo-enlightenment, but of course that would be kind of tricky to pull off...
I'll hold off on the first post again. See what's on your guys' minds..