I'm not even sure retirement is the right word. I just had this dream of 'The Cabin' growing up, somewhere I can fall back on if it all goes tits up, and as I get older I realize the only thing standing between me, a stop at home depot, and a cabin, is figuring out how to buy land, and make sure I can buy it and keep it without having to keep paying someone else for the right to just live. And dating, I just don't know. I feel like I've been through every phase of trying to be something else to get girls, (Including a brief period as an 'asshole' which lost me my virginity and a lot of self-esteem) now I'm just very direct, I try to be as sweet and thoughtful as comes naturally. (I'm a, long stemmed rose on the first date, kind of guy, and bouquet's when I remember them)
Preferences are preferences. You'll find someone who likes what you offer. (For the record, I'm a "flowers never" kind of gal.) I started a first date this fall by saying "look, I'm just going to be me, and I hope you're just going to be you, because if we pretend to be other people we are just wasting each other's time." I come with warts as do most people. Instead of hiding them I try to be up front about them because maybe some day I'll find someone who can deal with them or even finds them adorable. (Unlikely but a gal can dream!) pretending to be someone else wastes everyone's time... And as you said, can even damage your own self esteem as you try to live up to tropes that don't feel "right" to you. It's hard to get to this point. And it's not easy to stay there either; it requires a brutal self honesty and a willingness not to censor yourself regardless of who is watching, which is often where I personally run into trouble. But better to be alone than have to pretend you are something you are not in order to hold on to someone, right?