As a man in my early 20's I know I'm not all that far separated from my childhood, but I figured I'd at least start to look like an adult by now. Instead I still see the image of adolescence when I look in the mirror. I've noticed this with many of my peers as well, some of which are entering their 30's. It just seems so different because when I look at old photos of my father, and his generation, they all looked so grown up by the time they were my age. Does anybody's experience here seem to parallel mine? When did you really start seeing yourself as grown up?
I once asked my dad when he finally felt like an adult. He paused, looked at me and said, "son, when it happens, I'll let you know." He was 41 years old at the time.
Adult seems hard to define in anything but biological terms, but on a more philosophical level, there's two moments when I've felt like an adult:
1. When I was able to see my parents as flawed. As a child I think we all have a built-in degree of admiration for most adults, but it's only in adulthood that you can see, sympathize with, and appreciate the flaws your parents have. You also work on not having or succumbing to these flaws.
2. When you realize that everyone is pretending and no one really has it as together as they like to appear. We're all just acting like adults, but all the props we have in life can be taken away.
3. It hasn't happened yet, but when my parents pass away I'll feel like an adult. Those are the only two people that have loved me in the way a parent loves a child and their no longer being around will have me thinking "this is it, I can never be a child again".
These are good answers rope. He said, "when you get older you realize that nobody knows how to act at these things." -Great advice and a big moment for me.When I was able to see my parents as flawed
It takes some time to recognize this. Not only this, but also grandparents. I was well in to my twenties before I realized that my grandfather was an alcoholic (although a jovial one) and my grandmother is obese. Neither of these things changes how much I love them, but they are examples of the ability for children to see their heroes as infallible. When you realize that everyone is pretending and no one really has it as together as they like to appear.
Wow, get out of my head! That was a big moment for me too. I went to a funeral of a close friend of my fathers. I was moved by how well my father handled himself at the funeral. I asked him, "dad, does it ever get any easier knowing how to act at these things?"
This will go against the grain, but I've felt rather "adult" for some time now. Occasionally I'll get the urge to throw a blue streak in my hair or something, but generally I feel like I have it together. I'm not sure if I'm just kidding myself though, because most people I talk to don't share the sentiment. Also, I have only been IDed a few times, even when buying lottery tickets and getting into snotty bars. I guess I look old? Hooray?
We seem pretty similar! I've felt this way for a while as well. I like going to work, paying the bills, doing the dishes, etc. I also rarely get carded -- waiters have been asking me if I'd like to order a drink since I was around 14! I was also always cast as the middle-aged characters in high school plays :P. I wonder if looking older has some weird relationship to this: maybe looking older causes people to treat you subtly differently, leading to more "adultlike" behavior earlier? I have 0 evidence for this though haha.
Perhaps! Yes, I was often asked, "Would you prefer the lounge tonight?" as a teen. I enjoy going to work, organizing and cleaning, reading the mail, making appointments. Also, buying furniture and landscaping gets more exciting as I age! Hmm, that's an interesting theory. My parents were always the "treat your kid as an adult" type - it was rare I felt patronized, and they usually tried to include me in their daily happenings. Were your parents the same? I imagine they would have the most influence on your behaviour and perception of yourself.
I'm in my early 20s, and I had the following conversation at a party the other day: Her: Oh, I teach at X High School. Me: Oh, really? I went to X High School... So, to answer your question, now that my friend group includes teachers from my high school, but no high school students, I don't think I have any choice but to see myself as an adult. Ugh.Me: So, where do you work?
I'm still waiting to feel like an adult and start liking boring adult stuff. I'm in my early 30's and have a kid. But i still like doing stuff that, from my refrence point, are not what adults do. I still like playing video/computer games, I listen to heavy metal music (mostly black metal), I spend time reading on different forums etc on the internet, I know how to use a computer and so on. The thing is, this is the same for every generation. We always refrence being adult to something that the adults where doing/liking/listening to/dressing like when they where kids. For my self it's OK. I can live with being this huge man-child, I refuse to grow up and change my likes/taste in music/sense of clothing (all of which incidentally makes me what I asociate with being an adult from when I was a kid) ;o)
Facial hair will really help with that. :) Men with beards seem to get carded way, way less. My college friends had a standard, "you are an adult when you are fully supporting yourself/paying your own bills." I think that's a pretty good one. I can tell, looking back at high school photos, that I looked much more "babyface" then than now. That is the easiest way for me to see a change; comparing photos. But they have to be a few years old first. I find though that "looking adult" has as much to do with what clothes I am wearing as with my face. Business professional and I look like a Full Adult. Shorts and a tank from H&M? Could easily still be in college.
Well I am currently 23 years old and since we are going off a mirror, I have yet to see myself as an adult. My facial hair is more like peach fuzz and patchy, can go months and it might be an inch. When walking into a bar I will already be pulling out my ID because I know the second I'm seen I'm getting checked. The most common phrase, and this is no joke, I hear after getting my ID checked is "you look like you're twelve." Happens almost every time and I have gotten multiple free shirts from bars because of that. Doesn't help I have a body that backs that statement up. I'm 5'10" and tipping the scales at 115lbs. So I still look like the twig twelve year old just waiting to fill out. I have two things that remind me how old I am and it's only going to get worse. 1st - My back is in pain 90% of the day. It's out in multiple places and have had it fixed by multiple chiropractors. I have yet to go to the doctors, which is something I should do and should have done a long time ago. It's only getting worse the longer I prolong it. It's bad enough I popped it out new years by tying a knot in the bed of my truck. Wasn't lifting weight just bent over and boom, I was out for a full week. 2nd - Bills. It's crazy how fast I went from having absolutely nothing to having two vehicle payments, insurance, rent, phone bill, food, fuel, Internet, you know the list. The moment I decided I was through with college and landed a job it was like a slap in the face. Between my truck payment, bike payment and insurance for each I am spending more each month than I was making all school year in college (not counting summers). In the single month for my truck, I could have payed for 90% of my full time tuition each semester.
That is what has made me realize I'm getting there. I am still young and like spending money on things I shouldn't but hey, I may as well enjoy things while I can andwhile I'm still a kid. Long version short, I still feel like a kid.
You should try doing elbow planks for your back pain. I'm pretty similar in size to you, although with an extra inch and 10 extra pounds. Working retail used to be enough to put me out of commission for days, but planks helped a lot with that. If you don't know how to do them, just picture a pushup, except you're on your elbows instead of your hands, and you're just holding yourself up. I just did one a day for as long as I could, and it really helped strengthen my core and back muscles.
I may have to give it a try! Thanks for the info, anything can help right. It's better then walking around with the ache non stop.
Have a chance to try them yet? I'm curious to see how your results compare to mine.
I still don't really feel like an adult. I'm 24, so maybe I'm too young to be answering this but I just feel the same as I did years ago, just with a job that has benefits, some extra bills, and a 403b. I don't see myself any different in the mirror at all. Maybe a little fatter lol.
I was 28. I woke up after a long night out at the pub and looked in the mirror and realized I couldn't party like I could at 20 anymore. It was harsh.