Honestly I can probably count myself as very fortunate when it comes to this whole pandemic thing -Sweden's policies (when it comes to my age-group) have been relatively permissive this fall and I've been able to see friends and socialize - but sitting in front of my computer all day over zoom has been kind of shit tbh.
I feel like I am a terrible lab partner because I can't focus properly and get so distracted even as we sit on a voice call working together and I basically never feel that good "oh-yeah-I'm-being-so-productive-and-getting-things-done" feeling. And I'm a bit worried that this isn't a "it's hard working from a distance"-thing but a "you have a problem with self-control"-thing.
I guess we'll see whenever working in person is a thing again.
Other than that things are going pretty well, 2020 hasn't been that terrible of a year personally honestly, my mental health issues haven't been that much of a problem (except that one week when I drank like 5 l of tea a day and got anxiety and slept terribly). My summer was pretty good, lots of going swimming outdoors which is all I ask for in a summer really. I couldn't catch up with my friends from home over the summer which was sad.
I've found new hobbies (sewing, bouldering) and that is fun. I try not to think about what I would be doing right now if things were normal. My life would probably be very similar if I'm honest. There is talk about restrictions being basically the same as now for at least a year, and that honestly wouldn't be terrible (for me). It would be a but sad, but life right now isn't that bad (for me). This situation is hitting a lot of people a lot harder than it is hitting me, both to me being younger and not having to isolate and due to not having that many hobbies that included a lot of people to begin with.
How are things going for you guys?
I'm cocooning harder than I ever have before. I don't go out. I don't socialize. The only conversations I have with anyone are my wife, my housemate when I drive him to/from work twice a week, and my dad in our once-a-week dinner dates. Wednesday I went to speak to my contractor friend about building a new deck for my house. I've always been a super social guy. One of my superpowers was that people just naturally liked to talk to me, and they'd tell me things they'd never tell anyone else. At parties or events, I'd just find a comfy place to sit and chill, and people would come to me all night, sit down, talk, laugh, chat, and then someone else would take their place. When I would go to shows at bars, I'd find a good spot to hang out and watch the crowd, and the band, and just kinda chill. I was often mistaken for the owner of the place! No matter where I was, someone would assume I was the owner or manager and come up and ask me something, or after chatting with someone for a few minutes they'd ask, "So... is this your place?" I think it's because I've always been comfortable in my skin... just... I dunno, contented with myself. So I don't put off any airs of NEEDing anything... I'm just being calm and enjoying myself. So. Back to Wednesday... I'm trying to carry on a generic conversation with a guy I know really well, and we have a set agenda of what to talk about: Why is his bid so high, and what can I do to lower the cost? But holy hell... I was completely unable to hold up my end of the conversation! It regularly got awkward for no reason at all. And after we finished business, we talked about the chickens and his garden and... at some point I just kinda walked away and got in my car and left! Didn't really say goodbye, or anything (like I normally would), I just kinda... left. Shit's weird, man.
Hi SBG! I can't speak for anyone else, but things in my world are amazing and terrible. They're fast and slow. They're up and down. The highs are super sweet. The lows are scary and dark. I'm trying to focus on the highs whilst staying aware of and prepared for the lows.
I just convulsed so hard I fell out if bed and left a giant rug burn on my head. See y'all in the ER. Update* Discharged in one piece with followup orders. No obvious brain damage or chemical trace of seizure. Followup orders with neuro, sleep medicine and cardiology because my blood chemistry keeps indicating increasing damage to heart tissue. I look like a 50 year old cheeseburger and cigar aficionado halfway through his last big heart attack chemically.
Good thing there isn't any obvious brain damage, but still sounds like a rough situation. Hopefully those followups lead to something good.
Can I get a chainsaw update? This isn't a joke, I have chainsaw'd before, and I found it to be supremely satisfying. If the chainsawing is not the "project in the works", I wanna hear about whatever it is.
One foot in front of the other this year. No one I know has gotten sick, no one I know lost a home in the fires, my wife has a good job that has marched along uninterrupted and my business is still a going concern. Keeping my ADHD kid in a good place while she goes to school online is a challenge but she has a great teacher and she has been handling stuff well. I'm board as can be. I'd sell my business in a second if I could an go do something else. A coffee shop with no for here business is boring. My business no longer makes me happy but this too will pass. I generally amuse my self.
Honestly, I'm this close to suicide. It's been a terrible 10 months, and the trajectory isn't for the better. My wife left me after finding someone better. My friends all evaporated after I got depressed, even my closest ones. Surprising health problems popped up. Can't concentrate so work's going to shit (and I own part of the company so that's a problem). It's been 3 months since I last got hugged. 2 weeks since I last spoke to someone who wasn't a cashier or the like. I get comfort from the thought that if things are still as shit as they are after about a year or so, I can just kill myself. I'm tired.
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After months of lockdown, Melbourne recorded only one new COVID case yesterday. I think we're finally going to start easing restrictions properly this weekend.
I know you’re asking about others, but if you don’t mind me asking, are there things that you can identify as feeding into your feeling of a deficit of self-control? Also, it seems as if another effect in feeling like you may not have the self-control that you wish you had, is that you are feeling like you can’t reach a state of flow, is that right? If so, how are you seeing your self-control as contributing to your ability to reach a flow state? Now to answer your question: things are weird and uncertain, but not bad on a personal level. My parents are both retiring soon and if I’m honest, I wonder about that transition for them. They are both very community-minded people and I wonder how transitioning to an undefined state of meaning will affect them. It seems also as though their friends are all retiring at once as well, so I’ve been trying to encourage my parents to think about ways in which they might satisfy their communal and pro social needs among their retirement “cohort” if you will. I guess a short way to sum up things for me is that I’m really feeling the urge to find greater stability, which is new for me. But, as a dude in his mid 30’s, maybe that’s not a surprise, even if it’s surprising to me!I feel like I am a terrible lab partner because I can't focus properly and get so distracted even as we sit on a voice call working together and I basically never feel that good "oh-yeah-I'm-being-so-productive-and-getting-things-done" feeling. And I'm a bit worried that this isn't a "it's hard working from a distance"-thing but a "you have a problem with self-control"-thing.
What I think is my main problem is that I've gotten in to the really bad habit of sometimes switching off and not trying when me and my lab-partner get stuck on a problem. I want to believe this is due to it being harder to focus when everything is distanced and not the fact that I have no one to be held accountable to. (Aka, my lab partner can't see me so doesn't notice I've drifted of). Which one is it? Who knows. The solution is oh so very simple in theory (just pay attention) but in practice things have worked out differently. I don't have the same problem working on individual stuff - there is no-one else to solve those problems after all. I've never been the slacker of a group project before and I am not liking the rising suspicion that I might be right now. I'm probably more concerned with "being a bad person" than with "not being productive". Good to hear that things aren't bad. I've found it hard to say that things are "good" even when things are pretty good on a personal level since I can't really shake how things could have been if things were normal.
This resonated with me. I’ve recently come to understand better how I’ve attached my self worth to the quality of my work. When work suffers, my whole sense of how I define myself suffers. That’s not great at all, so that’s something I’m really working on. I’m not sure that applies to you personally, but perhaps reflecting and seeing if you can figure out what’s got you tangled up could be worthwhile? As an example, I’ll share that I had some writer’s block when working on a project recently and it was only after really examining what I’d been doing that it became clear that I was blocked because I was trying to write this thing according to what I thought people would want to read instead of writing what I really wanted to say. After that, I started over and it all came much more easily. I felt better about it too. That’s also really tough, but totally understandable! Managing expectations is a skill I’m always learning, but it has been helpful in getting through everything. I’m finding that managing my expectations but not giving in to cynicism is very much a work in progress. Best of luck!I don't have the same problem working on individual stuff - there is no-one else to solve those problems after all. I've never been the slacker of a group project before and I am not liking the rising suspicion that I might be right now. I'm probably more concerned with "being a bad person" than with "not being productive".
Good to hear that things aren't bad. I've found it hard to say that things are "good" even when things are pretty good on a personal level since I can't really shake how things could have been if things were normal.