I had to reassure her. The world is a painful place. It's dangerous and it's painful. It all depends on how you perceive what goes on around you, however. That was something we both had to work on - our perception of this big, scary world. Through the years we would remind each other we were there for one another. These past four years have been the most painful. We were both changing. I changed faster while she was still stuck in the past. I couldn't bring her with me, she had to WANT to change. That was her problem. She didn't want to because she feared change and saw what it did to me. She saw everything that happened to me. She saw all that pain I went through and the pain I continue to go through. In the end I was able to reassure her. I sat by her, wrapped an arm around that gorgeous brown and black mane of hers and whispered to her. "I'm okay. Everything is okay." But she stared at me with those terrified dark blue eyes and whined. She was scared to trust me because I had changed. I was masked with an unfamiliar scent and it scared her. The beast shook in my arms and rested her large muzzle in the crook of my neck. "I know you're unsure. You don't want to let go of me, even though you're scared of me. I promise it'll all make sense in the end." A heavy hand ran down that remarkable mane and I continued to whisper to her. My dirty hands caressed her thick black fur. Chapped lips pressed against the wolf's forehead. "It won't be like this forever." No matter the comforting words that escaped that dragon breath of mine, my wolf growled at me and seceded from my lap. Her ears flattened against her head and she revealed those colossal fangs to me. Her tail raised and she snarled at me. Both our blue eyes met, hers irate, mine empty. Emotionless. The energy was drained from me for a moment and then she attacked me. I beat her. I beat her until she whined and cried. She bit me and scratched me until I bled. Old wounds opened up again. Blood spilled from them and all it did was anger me. I didn't feel pain - I felt anger. I got up off of that dirty ground, kicked the black wolf in the face and walked away. My wolf was loyal. She followed me and whined. She was sorry but I wasn't. I was still angry. I made many mistakes and broke many promises that I had made with my wolf. I grew withdrawn from the crowd that showed me love. I bought a costume and wore it every day after that agonizing fight with my wolf. I felt new. I wore that costume to make it easier for me to hide. And it worked. I hid and I lied. Nothing was genuine anymore. I lied. I smiled at every one of them and lied. The black wolf saw through my lies and confronted me. I tore off the costume a little more as each day passed. She licked the blood from my wounds and we sat by those oak trees and rocks again. I leaned against the tree and the wolf rested her head on my lap. I still wasn't the same, but I had finally taken my costume off and opened up again. She cleaned my wounds. She warmed me up with her beautiful dark coat. I'd pet her head and cry. I cried to my wolf and hugged her. I apologized to her and explained to her what had been going on. I tried my best to help her understand the war inside my head. So we sat there and cried together. We sat there, my arms wrapped around her large body, her head rested in the crook of my neck again. I wet her fur with every emotion I had bottled up throughout the year. She whimpered and yelped and cried. And it was so painful but I learned from this. As long as I had my wolf, as long as she had me, we could get through anything. I need her and she needs me. I chased after what I wanted, not what I needed. I need my wolf.