Hey Hubski,
It's me again, not that I have really ever posted consistently, but I just posted an opinionated comment so maybe I'm cool enough to make a post.
This community has been fantastic to me. By giving me advice at different points in my life, I have been able to make sense of many parts of my life and have been able to try to make them work. it sounds depressing but I've been at that point, and I'm not anymore, and hubski has for the most part made it happen.
My main problem is this: I am a senior in college and with luck I will have a degree in engineering. I have a job offer from a fantastic company with amazing benefits. But I don't think I can stay sane there. My family really needs the money, and they really want me to work there, and there's a deadline on accepting. But I don't know if I can do it. I could barely make it through the fall, and it was even worse during the summer. I basically partied myself through the summer, and basically did my work then went home. Then I logged full hours. Most weekends I left to somewhere else and I didn't really find the escape I was looking for.
My question to you all is how have you made sense of what you have done/what has happened to/because of you? And do you think that you have done it the way you wanted? My father has always told me to live life with as least regrets as possible. I'm just having a hard time, despite everything falling into a career-wise direct path for me, to actually try to decide what is really right and wrong for me, or is it all just subjective and that I should just let it happen.
I guess I'm a late bloomer for posting. We'll see if I actually pop my head out of the shell again. Again, I'm not necessarily only looking for older people to post, nor am I looking for people who have been here the longest. You all have great inputs and the younger generation of hubskiers have great ideas as well. So don't be afraid to post what you think as well.
You want this to be a big decision. It's not. You want this to be a life choices decision. It's not. You want this to momentously define you one way or the other. It won't. Take the job. It is SO much easier to find a better job when you have a job than it is to find any job when you don't. Every fight you'll ever have with a spouse will have roots in money. Every concern you will experience in the next ten years will have its roots in money. If you have enough money to cover your needs, you will find that you are a lot less stressed out. You will quit this job. You will get a better one, or possibly a worse one, or possibly a completely different yet somehow the same one. And you will look back and you will forgive yourself for thinking that the job mattered, that this choice mattered, that it was worth all this heartbreak. And you will know down to your very bones that you felt this way because they lied to you. Because they want you to feel this way. Because they want to fleece you of your initiative with the same crass techniques that had you trade your credit history for a t-shirt Freshman year. Take the job. Use your benefits to talk to a shrink to wrap your head around the fact that you are fully in control of your own destiny. No, not at the job. NOW. You've got better health care at college than you will at your job, fuckin' use it, son. It's going to be all right, I promise.
Thanks kleinbl00. I'm fairly embarrassed by this post because I drunkenly mistook Benadryl for Advil when I made it, as well as the other post if you didn't notice. It was kind of apparent and I took a break from everything due to that. I know what you are saying I have contacted the university to talk to a psychologist and am working through the paperwork(I have a lot of work to do as it is, so I haven't had that much time). You give some very hard knock advice, and sometimes that is what people need. I have felt a lot better about things since I started making moves to figure things out. Just felt like I should let you know that I'm still here and paying attention, and taking in not just yours but all of the people who posted here's input. It just hasn't been as easy to deal with everything that has been going on especially once I went back to school, with how busy I am now. Especially lil too. She kind of called me out on being super ridiculous and told me I should think things out sober, and she was right. I had been drinking too much previously and honestly that's how the whole situation came about, but I was obviously at a loss. Again, I appreciate all of your input. Thanks for helping me out despite me being stupid about it.
Honestly, my grandma was forced to be a nazi driver. She escaped around 1939, but only she knows of the atrocities that were committed in her name, at least in her transport. I have taken two holocaust courses now, and I'm so sorry about your family. What I'm curious about is your position on what is called the "banality of evil?" Do you think it really exists or do you think people deserve individual judgement on these matters. My grandma is one of the strongest and most caring people in my life. She left early but she may have driven hundreds of people to their deaths. But she got out of there as soon as possible for her. Do you think she should have been judged? I honestly don't even know if you are Jewish, if it's worth it I'll post an askhubski about it.
Many people in Europe were anti-Nazi. Many were pro-Nazi ideology, or went along with them for personal enrichment, out of fear, ignorance or other reasons. What we call evil, others call virtue. Hannah Arendt was probably right about Eichmann, or maybe Eichmann was lying. Some people are willing to follow orders, others, like your grandma got out as soon as she could. I'm grateful my grandparents left Warsaw when they did (1926). I am grateful that I don't live in a dictatorship or fascist regime.
Haha. No it was a typo. Easy to do on a phone. Sorry about the Gestapo thing. It didn't occur to me that it would be offensive, but of course I can understand that it is. I should've gone with the Stasi, but I don't like to edit screw ups that serve to remind me not to do the same thing in the future. I will if you would prefer, however.
Sometimes I have to re-correct a word Autocorrect thinks it is "fixing" for me 3-4 times before it lets me pass it. On the bright side I have finally taught it "ain't." On the down side it refuses, absolutely refuses, to learn curses. It will stop correcting them for me but it won't ever auto- to a curse.
This guy. You win again. @redsox44344, this really is the only answer. You put in the time for your degree and now is the time to make it work for you. Even if this opportunity doesn't come close to the top of your most desired jobs list, you will be making real money and have real benefits. Like @kleinbl00 said, the best time to find another job is when you already have one. Stepping stones, etc. That said, it sounds like you're dealing with burnout more than anything else. Good news there too: more than likely you just need a real change of pace, and more than likely, that is exactly what you will get upon entering the commercial sector. Take the plunge. If it doesn't work, I'm fairly confident in your ability to submit resumes elsewhere..
Hey wolo, thanks for the response. I guess you could say I was burning out at the time. I was more frustrated than anything, being unable to do much that I usually use to keep me sane. I'm usually fairly good at tiring myself out to the point that I just need to sleep but as the community has seen, I've hit a different and slightly embarrassing type of bump. i.e I can't really sleep no matter what. I don't know if you've experienced something different or something similar, as interesting as kleinbl00 can be, I refuse to follow him and some other extremely notable members of the site for his own reason; he is essentially a power user of Hubski. If he wanted to, he could pretty much collapse what makes this site a third place by overloading it with information that he decided was true due to his large amount of followers. That's why I follow the chatter feed and the global feed. I also have a strong respect for him for not abusing this power and allowing Hubski to fix this problem within itself, and I'm entirely sure kleinbl00 is in contact with mk and thenewgreen as well as the rest of the admins with solutions to the problem. Kind of side tracked there, but I figured it was worth it I guess. I respect kleinbl00 as well as how he contributes to Hubski, but a lot of people see him as some kind of deciding figure on the community despite being not a moderator. He has strong, supported opinions, but don't forget about all of the other great users on the site is I guess what I'm trying to say. He might be a warlord within internet arguments, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's always right, no matter what.
You made a post titled "advice" not a post titled "ask me more questions," and people have given you some sound advice here. I agree with others that kb's advice is spot on. This is not because he has "x" numbers of followers, it's because he has some perspective. I've been where you are at, I wasn't sure if I should take a job out of college managing a fine-dining restaurant because I didn't know if that's what I wanted to do with my life. Guess what? I took the job and the experience led to a job selling restaurant supplies and equipment, which led to a better job selling restaurant supplies, which led to me going back to school and getting a business degree so that I could transition in to selling in the finance world. -You never know where life will take you. My guess is that even if I didn't take the first job, I'd be in a similar place now based on my skill sets. Take the gig, KB is also right that it's soooo much easier to find a job when you have one. This was my first concern with insomniasexx quitting her job recently. Then after talking with her I realized she had a good plan in place and I rest assured. As for the "power user" thing, I may have a lot of followers but the minute I'm am asshole that won't matter. Much like on twitter, if someone sucks they can be filtered out of your experience. I really do think the "power user" phenomenon is diminished here. Think about it, eightbitsamurai has in a short time garnered great favor and praise in this community because of great comments and posts. Is he a power user? I guess I don't really understand the fear or disdain for a "power user" as it relates to the architecture here. As for KB being in touch with the admins, aside from he and I being friendly off Hubski via texts and email (mostly about family, music, and writing) all of his advice about Hubski are public record and are given alongside the advice from other users. If a suggestion from him or anyone else is ever adopted, it's done so based on the merit of the proposal and not the "power" of the user. This plays zero role in anything g we do to the site. That said, I think KB is a fantastic contributor to the community and many of his suggestions have been adopted because they're good ideas. Also, I think he put some thought in to the advice you asked for and I'm not sure why you are upset about it? Maybe you're not and I'm just reading this wrong. Anyways, good luck no matter what you decide. On a sidenote, my grandparents paid for me to go to Catholic school growing up. It was expensive and my parents didn't have much money. I was certainly the kid that could never buy nice clothes, didn't drive a fancy car and didn't even have enough lunch money a lot of days. It's now the fuel that drives me. Use it.
This is only true if we assume that following remains a constant, i.e., that if kb's followers would not then unfollow him because they no longer like what he has to put out. You shouldn't forget that in the Hubski system there are two sides to each equation. If kleinbl00 becomes annoying, he gets unfollowed, and is no longer a power user. "Power users," if we must insist that they exist, are not constants. Their existence as "power user" depends on every follower continuing to follow them, which one assumes is based on the quality of their content and shares.I don't know if you've experienced something different or something similar, as interesting as kleinbl00 can be, I refuse to follow him and some other extremely notable members of the site for his own reason; he is essentially a power user of Hubski. If he wanted to, he could pretty much collapse what makes this site a third place by overloading it with information that he decided was true due to his large amount of followers.
Besides my other comment, I'd like to point out that this is a huge decision in my life. My parents make less than $20 an hour. We live in Fairfield County, CT. I guess you could check the prices for living there, but basically if you don't make around $150,000 a year, your kid pretty much goes to the ghetto. I've been there. I've seen friends go to the weird guy that sags his pants right past his ass and then tries to make a half boxing stance to slap box anybody that goes against him. And that goes to around 50 people there. I also know what it's like to attend a 32 person high school in Palouse, Washington. It's around 15 miles away from Pullman, Washington which is where WSU is. In other words I lived with my uncle for 6 months a year while my parents were having problems. Things aren't always as simple as you think. You are very smart kleinbl00 but you don't really ask questions, you just really just answer questions that have been asked. As I've said before, I respect your opinions on things. But as a general question, what do you answer to things that you are not entirely sure of? Sorry if this seems like an attack on you, I just think that you should weigh in in this. I've thought a lot about what you have said previously, and I think that you should have weight in the conversation.
A few things. 1) Two weeks ago, you argued that this was a huge decision in your life. I told you that you wanted it to be, but it wasn't. Now here we are, and you're saying "no, really. it is." No really. It isn't. 2) You asked for advice. You got advice. You're now triangulating to a corner where you think that advice might be invalid so that you don't have to acknowledge the advice you requested. Things are tough all over, kid. There will always be someone who had it rougher than you, there will always be someone who had it easier. You don't know me and I don't know you, but I wouldn't presume to invalidate your advice to me based on your tax bracket. 3) You don't have to take my advice. You don't even have to acknowledge my advice. But trying to accuse me of some deep personal failing so that you can invalidate my advice? That's fucking bullshit. Know why I didn't ask you questions? Because I didn't have to. Know what you didn't ask? - Should I take this job or pursue my true dream of basket-weaving? Because I sure love weaving baskets. - Should I take this job or buy a sailboat and pilot it around the cape? Because I've always dreamed of sailing around the world and I may not get a better chance. - Should I take this job or follow my girlfriend to Haiti? Because I love her dearly and I want to do something good for the rest of humanity before I become yet another cog in the machine. No, you asked should I take this job or NOT? With the reason "NOT" being because I don't think I can cut it. So really the discussion isn't "should I take this job or not" it's "how do I cut it." But we didn't have that discussion, because it's impolite. It would be assuming too much. It would be asking too many questions. Yeah. I answer questions that have been asked. More than that, I answer questions that I think I can contribute to. "What do you answer to things that you are not entirely sure of?" I DON'T. You might try it - it's awfully hard to put your foot in your mouth when it's closed. We were talking about entry-level engineering jobs and living in shitholes. So strap in, Junior, because my family was on food stamps until I was seven. I got my first "entry level engineering job" nearly 20 years ago. I spent 10 years doing engineering and seven now doing nothing-like-engineering. And you know what? I can name four people on here who had it rougher and are doing better. I won't. Because it has no effect on my advice. You asked for advice. You got it. Reject it with abandon, but don't for a minute think it's even vaguely okay to try and figure out why I'm not qualified to give it. Because that's a dick move. Know what else is a dick move? Attacking someone and then apologizing for attacking someone. It's still an attack, the apology is still ingenuous but you have the added disadvantage of looking like you have no spine. For the record, I don't give a fuck what you do. And for the record, I don't give a fuck what you think. But you asked, and I answered, which obligates you to a bare minimum of courtesy. Should you choose to approach that bare minimum again, we can chat. Until then, drink yourself to death with my blessing.
You know, you are right at some points. But at some points you are being outright ignorant. -"Drink yourself to death with my blessing."
Really? Is that how you're going to approach this? I'm sorry that I have an issue that is worth gathering an audience. I'm not attacking you, I'm acknowledging who you are. I'm not downplaying you, or trying to be offensive. I haven't drank since then, but thanks for being an asshole about it. I'm not exactly sure about how to deal with it. Have you been raped? Do you really understand what it's all about? It's fucking terrible. Horrible. It makes me feel like less than a person. Like I'm just a fucking toy. And i hate it. I hate it to the end of my existence. Sure I tried to make a difference with what I was saying there, sure. But there is no reason for you to downplay what has happened to me. I may be wrong about what I was saying, sure. But please, if anything, don't say that it was nothing. That devalues everything. I didn't attack you kleinbl00. I just tried to make a point that you have semi-supported in the past. Sorry if it seemed like an attack. I guess I was trying to make a point. You can ruin me all you want on the internet as you seem you pride to be able to, but that wasn't really the point of what I was saying, that's all. Basically a lot of that was making fun of me because I'm confused. I'm sorry, I'm still messed up. You're much more experienced, and you understand a lot more than I do. I know you've taken it differently, but I think it is worth it to try to explain where I'm coming from. If you think I'm poking your buttons, I hope that you reconsider. I just thought I could poke anywhere and get a good amount of knowledge from you, and I realize that isn't how to do it.
If it's good money, and you need it, then take the job. What harm can come from it? It's not as if taking a job means that you have to stay in that place forever. Do it for a year, make your $60k, or whatever, then quit. Simple. You can do anything for a year, if you're committed to the ends.
Yes. It's so weird to me that a common mindset is,"I'd better pass up this great opportunity because I can't stand the thought of being unhappy even for one year while I make money and find other options." But ok, propagate the fantasy that we must all find our One True Calling and find our True Love straight out of college or else we are Doomed to Eternal Sadness.
Really, I guess it sounded smug to you guys. My dad worked on wall street and made it, and then lost it when I had just gotten in to college. Most people would call me privileged, and yeah, you're right. I did grow up privileged. I have a nice car, and I have/had(previously) nice things. Plus I've gotten lucky with a lot of circumstances in my life. But is it really that hard to understand that I no longer have the privilege, that I need to support my parents and my sisters? My parents don't have the money to pay for younger sister's education, and my older sister is still living at home. My parents are more worried about my drug use than either of my sisters, and it used to be the other way around. I'm stable and able to support myself but I need to make it to support them. But I really can't let them know about what I'm going through mentally. That's my real issue. My family RELIES on me but I'm not even stable enough to rely on my self. Most of the way I've gotten by way through drinking, some other drugs, and my sex life. My parents take nearly 50% of what I've made over the summer just to stay afloat, and I gave it to them. This isn't okay. But I don't have a better way to keep control. I just keep running into the same problems. My family used to have money, but now we are having a large amount of trouble, and it has been around for a long time. I can't handle this trouble along with my own issues. I have trouble contacting my own family since they only talk about those issues. That is really where this call for help is coming from. I can't abandon my family, but I need to be able to live comfortably. Do I have to wait 'till I finally am financially independent next year? And more importantly can I keep my sanity while dealing with basically 6 credits of school courses on top of a full time job? Who the fuck knows? I guess I'm just nervous and frustrated. How the fuck am I supposed to support my sister who dropped out of college, my other sister who should be able to get the education she needs no matter what, and my parents that I care way too much about to be sitting here 200 miles away, both that should have retired already and be fucking happy.
I empathize, really I do. But, talking to others is a great way to get perspective, especially because others will be able to look at your situation without the emotional attachments you hold. Lots of people find themselves shouldering the burdens of their world. Some people make it work, some people don't-- for so many reasons. I am not a financial advisor or a mental health professional, much less a substance abuse counselor. I will say that in college I worked 60 hours a week on top of being in school full time. What I learned from that and from other situations in my life is that I don't need to live comfortably-- I need to survive. Networking, creative thinking and a willingness to knuckle down helped me get through the rough patches I've been through, as is constant budgeting and evaluating what I need vs. what I want. Though situations like yours might be less common in America, so many of my previous students have similar stories, as does my father, who tried his best to impress on me the lessons of what do you need? vs. what do you want? Unfortunately, I am thick enough that I needed to learn that first hand. I highly recommend you talk to someone in your real life, perhaps several people. In college you are surrounded by people dedicated to the success of their students and they really have seen it all. Talk to them. Talk to your boss. Talk to your family. By trying to shoulder the weight of the world and piling more and more weight on as time goes by is inviting your self to drop that weight. Best of luck.
I think there are some users here who have majored in engineering and worked on that path (not sure if same users, but users of both types at least). I believe but cannot say for certain that I've read someone(s) comment that engineering school is not really that similar to the experience of actually working as an engineer, and that actually working as an engineer is more fun. It appears I may be wrong. kleinbl00 and b_b may be able to speak to your dilemma more directly, but here are some comments you may find useful they've made before - b's the one I was thinking of when I started this comment, pretty sure. Engineering school sucked and engineering isn't scientific enough an engineering degree is a degree in writing problems we get engineering nerdy and kb talks about his career path maybe jacobhinkle could throw in some insight or Kaius - he seems to have some experience Hope that helps directly. Now the questions: whew, those are big ones. I read this book by Dan Ariely because of kleinbl00. It's called Predictable Irrationality, and in it there's a chapter where Ariely discusses a study they did of college students to see how they valued something that they wanted, after they either did or did not obtain that thing. (Does that make sense? They wanted something, tried to get it, some didn't, some did, and Ariely basically examined the results.) He found that whichever outcome the students obtained heavily influenced their opinion on how valuable the object of their desire was, and even how much they believed they wanted it. I think that's an interesting thing to consider when you are pondering the wants of life. I think that we mostly end up wanting things to have happened the way they turned out, the good-to-not-so-bad stuff anyway. When we don't go after stuff, or when we do go after something but fail to obtain it, I think we desire it less, or convince ourselves to do so (unless it's something REALLY important, REALLY major, that we cannot emotionally get rid of in that way). Of course I am extrapolating a bit here. I think you should also consider that you do not have to make any of these choices now. It's certainly helpful if you can nail down what you want and go for it, but I don't think you should feel rushed into "I have to make a decision now because I have a job offer and this is my only chance!" You'll have many jobs. If this one seems like a good investment or a good choice while you are figuring everything else out, that doesn't mean you're married to it. (Unless it starts to suck up your life.) It's not a marriage, and you can leave the job if it sucks, or if you realize it's not what you want and find something that is - although once you start collecting a paycheck, it's hard to walk away from one. You may have seen my own posts where I struggle with "what I am doing with my life, where is my future, am I happy in my career?" I feel where you are right now, I really do. I don't feel trapped in my current job, but as I said earlier, it does get hard to walk away from a job/career you're not passionate about when they pay much better than anything you'd like to pursue. kleinbl00 will get more ash and brimstone on this if he throws in, I'm sure. My advice though is to take a deep breath: relax: don't commit to anything you know you'll hate: talk to the engineers: and take your time until you've really defined what you want.
I think that's an interesting thing to consider when you are pondering the wants of life. I think that we mostly end up wanting things to have happened the way they turned out, the good-to-not-so-bad stuff anyway. When we don't go after stuff, or when we do go after something but fail to obtain it, I think we desire it less, or convince ourselves to do so (unless it's something REALLY important, REALLY major, that we cannot emotionally get rid of in that way). Of course I am extrapolating a bit here.
The comment is not so bad. It echoes redsox's wish for self-fulfillment, just with a different metric attached - and, bonus, you actually demonstrate an awareness of what you want, which I think the discussion helped crystallize for you as people interpreted what they thought you meant from what you'd actually said in the post. It is just young, and confident, and brashly endearing. Maybe you do not think it would be as easy now as you did then or maybe you have changed your metrics or both. It's a good thing to try and maximize what you do for yourself.
In a few lines you summed the entire thing up quite perfectly! I wish I had that eloquence. Normally when I try to write a post I either keep it too short and fail to elaborate correctly leading others to get the wrong idea (case in point being the post you link to). Or i over elaborate and write too much. I haven't found the right balance yet and I would put money on the fact that I am so used to formulating my ideas as code for a compiler rather than words for another person. Compilers reflect what you give them perfectly and they may have spoiled me a little.
Deciding what is right and wrong for you is 100% subjective. I had a job offer very recently. The deadline to apply was August 13. The application procedure was just a formality as they don't post the job until they know who they want to hire. I was quite ambivalent because I was interested in doing the work - it was what I was doing anyway -- but with a bunch of constraints - some commuting, way more students, less time to prepare, and not enough money to compensate for those factors. People wanted me to do it -- and that was a compelling and blinding factor. I finally made a serious list of pros and cons. There were 3 lame items on the pro list and a dozen nuts and bolts items on the con list. I still thought I would take the job, but I talked it over with a smart person and it became more clear. As exciting and flattering it was to take on a new job, it didn't make any sense. You should make a pro/con list too. Alone. Sober. It might help bring your issues to light.how have you made sense of what you have done/what has happened to/because of you?
Things don't necessarily make sense -- unless you are religious then you create sense by saying it is god's will or some such. Humans like to create explanations. I make sense of what I do by hoping that my actions move in the direction of goodness (as I define it). I have various measures of this. I'm just having a hard time, despite everything falling into a career-wise direct path for me, to actually try to decide what is really right and wrong for me, or is it all just subjective and that I should just let it happen.
Is your problem that you don't like the work? I can't really tell from your post. If so, what is it you don't like about it, and what would you be looking for elsewhere? And why did you even complete your studies if it was for something you don't enjoy in the least?
I enjoyed the work that I did. The issue is the location mostly. I have lived there twice, first time for 4 months and recently for the summer, 3 months. The problem is that the place drives me somewhat crazy with the lack of things to do. Sure, drinking is easy. And cheap as all hell. But really from this post what I was trying to get at is that for some reason my problems seem to catch up to me there. I've been able to "get away" from them due to how my university is. Party, work, coffee, nap, repeat. No time to deal with things, which has worked. I just don't want to be working for a huge corporation that I really enjoy working for and then lose my job because I couldn't handle my own problems I guess. kleinbl00 kind of answered about that and gave me some advice to figure some things out. I guess it's time to face my issues really, rather than running away from them..
I guess it's time to face my issues really, rather than running away from them..
it takes a LOT if courage to follow trough with something like that. I'm glad kleinbl00 suggested this and I'm impressed with you for following through with it. Good luck!
For what it's worth, I agree with what most of the others said: Take the job, get experience, find a different job later.