Alcohol doesn't agree with me very well.
I'm a female who grew up in a fundamentalist Christian environment and didn't have a drop to drink before I turned 19, and that was only after I moved to Germany and started a love affair with red wine. Easily enough done, right? They have lovely wines in Europe. And what started as a bottle a week quickly became something more. It started to be what I was looking forward to and despite my roommate and good friend's best efforts I began drinking fairly on the regular, going as far as to "taking walks" which had me stopping by the local grocer for one of those tiny to-go bottles of cabernet.
I'm living in Boston now, about to move to Portland, OR, and can easily do a bottle and a half in one evening, topping it off with a shot of this or that, a beer or two, whatever. This is several times a week, and the only time a day goes by without me drinking is when I spend the day hungover. My girlfriend is irritated by it and probably a bit concerned for my health (even though my most recent physical a few months ago came back clear). I have depression/anxiety issues for which I am on medication and I'm pretty sure the drinking is making it less affective. I can't go to a party or sometimes even meet new people without... well, you know.
I'm just 100% over it, and while I've made this decision before and went a few days without drinking I always end up laughing and convincing myself I'll be more responsible this time around -- absurd.
I turned 30 in January and tried to make a commitment to spend the year entirely abstinent from alcohol but that lasted seriously a week. What is wrong with me? Apart from alcohol I am a sensible, educated, and worthy person but I'm afraid if I don't get myself under control I'm going to ruin something.
Sounds quite similar to my situation a couple of years ago. I certainly remember the few days without drinking and constant promises (sort of, not really) to really definitely limit my drinking to the weekends / the end of the week / ok not monday and tuesday. Don't panic. You may congratulate yourself for finding the honesty to recognize that there may be a problem. Creating this thread also was a good idea, it's important to "make it real" by communicating with others. There is no way of knowing exactly how your situation really is, if and how your body has adapted to regular consumption of alcohol or how strong your need to "protect the habit" is at this moment. But you are far from alone in self medicating depression and anxiety with a regular buzz.
Attending a support group probably seems like a huge step right now. The people there know exactly what that's like, they had a first time showing up, too. Personally, I decided to talk to a professional first and I recommend you do the same. I don't recommend just trying to stop drinking by yourself. Your body can react in rather weird ways to sudden changes in your drinking routine.
Thank you for the advice. I'm not really in a place now where asking for professional help is an option -- I'm moving from Boston to Portland, OR in less than a month. But I'm really hoping the move will help me change some habits and form a bigger support circle. You said this sounded similar to your situation a few years ago -- may I ask what your situation is now?
I'm honestly no expert on this subject but I do know that there are plenty of organisations out in the states that can help you out. I know from my experience that drinking more is usually linked to some underlying life stress. I find that I don't usually want a drink after some physical activity in an evening, so perhaps you could exercise more on later in the day? It may also be worth trying to cut-down first rather than abstaining as such a drastic change could result in failure and that will only make you feel worse. Hopefully other users can give some solid advice, but it sounds like you yourself believe you have an issue with alcohol so some formal help would be useful. Good luck and don't beat yourself up if you don't crack it straight-away!
Hey badger. I think a lot of my dependency has a lot to do with social anxiety and general moodiness. But exercising later in the day is good advice -- I find that after I swim laps at the gym I generally can't be bothered. I shall give this a try! Regarding attending some sort of support group, well, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have the balls to show up to that sort of thing without having a glass of wine first, which pretty much defeats the purpose. Thanks for the response. You're okay for a Hufflepuff. :)