I am so sick of seeing men and women tear each other down.
I came across this video today. It is AMAZING what Ronda Rousey has accomplished. What goals she has set for herself and being an inspiration to those who share those goals.
But it does NOT help to say, "Why can't women just understand muscles are sexy?"
I need to be skinnier, because it's sexy.
I need to have more curves, "more meat on my bones," because it's sexy.
I need to wear more makeup, because it's sexy, but I also need to remember that makeup should be subtle and so effortlessly natural most people can't even tell it's there, because it's sexy.
I need to show a little more skin, because it's sexy, but don't forget to be modest about your looks, because that's sexy.
And now, I need to add muscles to my skinny-but-curvy frame with my enhancing-but-natural makeup and revealing-but-modest clothes, because my ultimate goal in life has always been to be sexy. I mean, that's why Rousey is a Bantamweight Champion, right? Because it's sexy?
Stop it. Stop telling me what I need to do to have worth. Stop thinking you can convince me to do something because YOU find it attractive. Where did you get this attitude from? What makes you think I have any interest in impressing you?
You know what? I love working out. I love seeing how far I can push myself, I love trying new things, I love being able to lift just as much shit as my coworkers. I find that sexy, for myself. I will find myself just as sexy on those days where I really don't feel like working out and would rather eat ice cream for breakfast.
That doesn't mean I will tear someone else down for their choice to not work for a healthy lifestyle. You can be a "Do-Nothing-Bitch." You can weigh however much or little as you'd like, if you so desire. It is YOUR body and you treat it however YOU see fit. If you're unhappy with how it looks, awesome, I would be more than happy to help you change it.
But I would really prefer it if your primary reason for getting healthy isn't, "Because someone told me it's sexy."
Edit: I would like to put a note that it's not quite as much the video that bothers me (only a little) but rather the comments I've seen that seem to think the point of the video is to convey that all women should be working out to be as attractive as Ronda. However, please feel free to leave your opinion on the video as well!
If you think about it, "because it's sexy" basically translates into "hurr durr...because I want you to." Which is a non-answer, if you ask me - of course you want me to do the thing you're telling me I should do, but what's the justification? Where's the convincing argument? ("Do x because it's sexy" really usually means "Do x because [I think] it's sexy," which follows naturally do "Do x because I like it/want you to.") Now, for some people and in some topics, "because I want you to" is enough justification. For instance, if someone asked me to wear lingerie for them, or basically anything else rather low-level and usually not too much effort, time or cost that is placed in an arena where there is a general willingness or desire to please the partner. Sex is a great example because you should want to please your partner during sex. Business/monetary transactions are a great example of where this should never fly. The management of how your body appears to the world is another one. Your body's about the most personal thing you'll ever have, inhabit, own, (whatever word you use for it) and it controls you while you control it. While "to look sexier for my partner' might be part of a list of reasons a person might want to lose weight, become more muscular, gain weight, hell cut their hair or something, I agree it shouldn't be the only reason and I certainly think any person telling me I should alter my body simply because their desire is sooooo extraordinary as to warrant it is not only justification but a gross demonstration of how that person thinks about his or her right to tell you what to do in life. And then after considering their lack of boundaries and desire for control/influence over you, then you should move on to the fact that they think "because i want you to" is good enough to convince you. My hackles go up with a bang, immediately, when anyone comments on what I should do with my body or whether what I'm wearing is appropriate/'not attractive'. It's a sensitive topic but moreover it's my body and my choice. (This comes up a lot because I have a number of tattoos and plans for more. I love them and think they add to me; I certainly consider them embellishments, ornaments, attractive additions. However, I have family members that think it is appropriate, even necessary, to tell me that the tattoos make me "ugly." It's my god damn body. Stop thinking you have the right to tell me what to do with it.)
Ohhhh, shit - you were reading Youtube comments? Yeah. You never want to do that. Even the SEO guys will tell you that Step #1 with Youtube is disabling comments. They gain you exactly nothing.
YouTube comments can make anyone angry about anything: Comics Explained: Top 5 Alternate Marvel Realities Saiyanman1998: Fuck Anita Sarkeesian! Flaming shit nigger cunt! /b/ If I accidentally read some YouTube comments I usually try to find something else to do for a while, watch a movie or show that took effort, something along those lines.
Much like standing in line at a grocery store and your eyes being caught by magazines like Cosmopolitan or People. I can physically feel my brain cells dying the longer I stare, and try my hardest to look at anything but the colorful, designed to catch your eye magazines. I worry the day will come when I can't stop staring, and I'll turn into an inert, brain dead mass right there under the fluorescent lighting.
I deleted an IQ lowering joke and replaced it with the current last sentence. YouTube comments probably aren't even the worst on the internet. Ugh...
I recognize that as a straight male in my 40s there aren't a whole lot of ways i can tactfully add to this discussion, but I'm gonna try anyway. For starters, the minute you appear in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue you're no longer allowed to bitch about people calling you unsexy. It's pretty much a strawman argument at that point. I won't link to the pics because it doesn't add to the discussion but I will assert that Ronda Rousey has crossed into that "can't be called unsexy" realm beyond a reasonable doubt. BE THAT AS IT MAY I think the spirit of her argument is exactly what you're arguing - femininity and attractiveness are what you make of it. Self-confidence is far and away the most powerful aphrodisiac and whatever it takes to gain it, do it. Unfortunately we've developed elements of our culture that build up their own self-confidence by tearing others down and beauty journalism is one of the greatest offenders. I feel like the women who hate on Maxim have never picked up a Cosmo... I mean, Maxim is woman-degrading trash but it's got nothing on Helen Gurley Brown's monster. And the mags are all about what's "sexy." They sell magazines by making you feel insecure, and then make you feel better by doing what they say. That's engagement and brand loyalty rolled into one. I agree with you - it's a crass method to follow but they're aiming for the lowest common denominator. Accept that you aren't fourteen, that their arguments are beneath you and don't give them the leverage to get under your skin. Whenever someone with something to sell tells you "x is sexy" just remember that they're just trying to make a buck off your insecurities. And then don't let them.
If you haven't heard of it before, there's a great book related to your comment, in which I first read about the phenomenon in which women tear each other down, like crabs do in a bucket: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cunt:_A_Declaration_of_Independence http://www.amazon.com/Cunt-Declaration-Independence-Expanded-Updated/dp/1580050751
In my experience, girls mostly tear other girls down, guys tend to care way less. I generally try I convince my gf that she's prettier without makeup, but what has been explained to me is that the makeup isn't for my sake. Girls are way harder on each other/themselves than guys are, outside of the internet at least. And the opinions of guys hiding behind computers commenting about girls just feel terrible about themselves and are taking it out on girls that would reject them under normal circumstances. Those opinions shouldn't matter to anyone anyway.Stop it. Stop telling me what I need to do to have worth. Stop thinking you can convince me to do something because YOU find it attractive. Where did you get this attitude from? What makes you think I have any interest in impressing you?
Ronda Rousey can put me and sleeper hold and whisper facts about pokemon to me. Back to reality, I don't think she was saying people should think muscles are sexy but that she's comfortable with who she is. I think it was more of a "I respect myself because I've worked towards something" statement. Also, Ronda gained weight for her sport's illustrated swimsuit shoot because she felt she needed a more feminine shape.
Hm interesting, I actually really related to her video. She doesn't say her muscles are sexy, just that she is still feminine despite having muscles. And DNBs aren't people who don't work. They are people who spend their life "just trying to be pretty and be taken care of by someone else". If someone doesn't want to work, male or female, if their partner is onboard I'm all for it. But isn't it ok to say its wrong to spend your life trying to be attractive just to attract someone who will provide for you?
I liked her video too. Rather, this was aimed at those commenting, "Yeah, women need to work out to be attractive!" What? That wasn't the message at all. Honestly, I'm not sure how to answer your question. Are there not people who just want to provide for someone who is attractive?