I have no clue what's supposed to be important right now. No idea what should have my attention as priority. I can try to keep to a schedule but just trying to do that seems to cause conflict. I just go to physical therapy, drink too much caffeine, play world of Warcraft and sleep. Not satisfying. Started Blood Meridian. Enjoying the prose, mostly. Cormac feels preachy in some weird way. Hard to describe at present. I wonder who else finished it eventually.
I’m not trying to be preachy or be an armchair shrink, but it might be good to try and not game for a while if you’re feeling aimless. Games are very good at satiating your desire for community, challenge, accomplishment and autonomy, without actually giving you the real fulfillment that propels you forward in life. It’s like taking artificial sweeteners when you actually need the real deal. You have the motivation in you to do something else, but right now it sounds to me like part of the problem is that your motivation is hijacked by playing so much WoW.
I loved Blood Meridian. Loved it. There's about 80 pages where the Kid diminishes into the background and the gang become the main protagonist, where it becomes a bit of a slog, but as far as prose style goes, McCarthy has very few peers.
Not a simple block like the original Geometry Dash, Geometry Dash Wave turns you into a flexible entity, winding through thorny mazes, teleportation portals, and unexpected traps.
I mean, clearly aleina thinks you need to become a flexible entity. I can speak only for myself, but I could use a teleportation portal. Not so much with the thorny mazes and god knows I have enough unexpected traps but you win some you lose some, don'tcha know? I fucking hate Cormac McCarthy and everything he touched and I've learned to honor that in myself. John Gardner made the point that most "classics" are chosen by educators and that they choose not because the books are good but because they allow educators to make easy, simple points. You have to exercise the self-care to honor your own perspectives and needs - the phrase "I can try to keep to a schedule but just trying to do that seems to cause conflict" tells me that sticking up for yourself is something those around you aren't expecting. What's important is what you value. If you're not sure what you value, try a few things on for size. When my life upended in 2007 and I found myself transitioning from "I have two projects headlining the NYT business section" to "I am about to go to producing school" to "I am a worthless bum" to "I just mixed live for double the population of New Zealand" in six weeks, I discovered an important inner truth: I love pineapple. And while I had no idea what to expect on a day-to-day basis, I knew that seeking pineapple gave me a concrete thing that generally inched my needle an iota or two towards comfort and pleasure. The other nice thing about pineapple is it's a concrete thing. there's nothing abstract about "pineapple." "I can try to keep to a schedule" is a long goddamn border to defend, d00d. "I listen to 20 minutes of music before bedtime because it helps me relax" is concrete. If you defend that every goddamn day everyone around you will leave it alone because it's easier for them. They'll push on it initially because what they're doing is testing your resolve but if you reveal your resolve to be stronger than their own they'll give over. That gives you a defensible border - you can expand from "20 minutes of music before bedtime" to "I go to bed at 11, you're welcome to join me". I'd start with the physical therapy and branch out. Anything you're paying for can have the blame shifted. Also I just started Dragon Age:Veilguard and I'm not sure I like it as much as :Origins but it's fun enough.