I went to see Jane Goodall speak last night.

She said that something has changed in her students, and so she had to do a last speaking tour to try and change that.

Paraphrasing -

She said 'My students come to me and they tell me they are depressed and anxious. And why shouldn't they be? We live in times of great turmoil and violence and hate. I grew up in the last days of World War 2, and remember those feelings in my youth. My students come to me and they say they are depressed, and that there's nothing they can do. And it's urgent that I correct them, because there is always something we can do.'

She went on to give her reasons for hope, for optimism, for the value of putting in efforts to improve human wellbeing, and by extension, that of the environment, and animal wellbeing. She talked about how when the forest around Gombe was logged, logged to the point that their park was just an island of green in an ocean of brown, dry hills, they didn't start their activism racing to plant new trees. They went into the villages where people were logging and asked 'What do you need?' and then they worked to fill those needs. Regenerative farming techniques and supplies so they didn't need to slash and burn new forest for fields to feed their families. Lobbying to the government of Tanzania to get the people who lived in the villages surrounding Gombe the healthcare resources and professionals they were promised. Education for their children and young women, to give them opportunity and a future. And when they did that, the conditions were such that they didn't need to log so destructively, and so much. And while the equatorial rainforest that once spanned the continent is still in tatters, the area around Gombe is rich, verdant, and provably recovered such that the native plants and animals can re assert most of their ways of life.

I wept. Last night spoke to a part of me that I don't like to acknowledge much anymore because of how much has been lost in the last decade. The part of me that wants very badly to believe that leaning in to others suffering and discomfort, connection through the shared human experience of grief can be transformative for good. That a hand held out, can be outstretched with palm raised, to uplift, and not further strike down someone hurting before they become a threat themselves. I want to believe very badly that this current way of things is abnormal, an aberration, and a return to something like 'normal' is possible, that would be different from the daily excisions and losses and furies of the moment.

Maybe I can blow on that spark, for internal balance if nothing else. I'm certainly little else but a vessel of wrath these days.

It's hard to not feel justified in the anger though.