What do you know now that an earlier version of yourself did not know?
Let's see. Well I lost my virginity when I was 20 so there's that one. After that, when I discovered that girls liked me, I was sleeping with as many of them as I could. Just steam rolling that shit. I hurt a lot of people that way. It ended up being not fun at all. When I was 20, I didn't quite realize how much my own wants and desires could affect the people around me. When I learned to start caring more, I became a heck of a lot happier. I've come to realize that the sex thing was just a small part of the binge-era 20's. There were a few solid years there where the most important question of the day was 'what are you drinking tonight?'. I think it's something I HAD to go through in order to realize this and would never suggest that people live differently - for sure this type of lifestyle defines many a 20-year-old. My only advice to glean from all of that for anyone listening is to try really really hard to nurture your internal self. Build your OWN character. As you get older and the friends disappear, and the scenery changes, the ONE thing that you will have to rely on is the person you've made yourself into. What kind of person do you want that to be?
This really hit home with me, but not because laid pipe all around town, if you will. I've been with my girlfriend for 3.5 years. I've grown up Christian and was always told to reserve sex for marriage. So, being an obedient child, I never had sex. But then I got to thinking, why do we reserve sex for marriage? I believe because it's a symbol of our commitment to be with other person for the rest of our lives. So, shortly after my 20th birthday, my girlfriend and I gifted each other with our virginity. What struck me most about your post is that you are apologetic about having slept with so many women. To be honest, I've struggled with having sexual desires with other women. This has been mostly in part by how much sexuality is portrayed in everyday life (that and my coworkers are the horniest guys imaginable). I know that if I were to sleep with a bunch of women, I'd end up apologetic as well. But in this day and age, it's becoming harder and harder to resist.
When I was 20 people gave me all kinds of great advice. I wish I had understood how important it was to actually listen to it and act upon it. In did all right in life, but I think I could be in an even better place if I had worked harder and been more focused when I was younger. I certainly should have listened when people told me to take care of my body. Of course, I was indestructible at the time, but here I am at just 46 a type 2 diabetic, with bad teeth and a constant ringing in my ears. Just an ounce of prevention really is a pound of cure. Also, tell the people in your life that you love them and either forgive or track down and confront your bullies - especially if you are like me and tend to stew about things like that...
Currently 20.
It's difficult to focus at this age. There are so many stimuli to catch our attention, it's hard to focus and work hard toward anything. It does take a lot of determination at this age. Taking care of my body is definitely something I neglect. I'll totally keep this into consideration. You may have just convinced me to stop smoking. I try to do this as much as I can. I tell my mother I love her all the time.
Thanks for your post.
Seriously, take care of your body. I was a strapping young guy who was never sick and who could shrug off anything. I spent 25 years riding some of the fastest motorcycles on the planet, shooting assault rifles for fun, blasting heavy metal as loud as it would go and working in the engine rooms of ships for 5 years as a merchant mariner. I had a great time. The funny thing is I could have still done it all and not felt a single ill effect if I had just been smarter. I could have brushed after meals, I could have used my hearing protection every time, I cold have eaten better and taken a little better care of myself. But seriously, I was indestructible. The worst part is, people really did warn me, I was just too stupid to listen.
But come to think of it, if you took those precautions, would you have enjoyed those experiences as much as you did? Sure, the brushing issue is a no brainer, but isn't there something to be said for living in the moment without a care in the world?
You can still do dangerous things, the trick is to not let yourself be stupid about it and realize that you aren't invulnerable. I used to watch the Armed Forces TV network all the time when. I was overseas and they always showed the commercials that talked abut Congressional Medal of Honor winners. There was one I hated. It was about how this young soldier in WW I took off his task mask and gave it to someone else during a mustard gas attack and ended up dying after the battle, He gave his life up for another guy, right? Wrong. I used to be that guy. He thought nothing would ever get him. He took his gas mask off because he didn't need it and he thought someone else did. Like I said, I was that guy, I was foolish and took risks with y body I probably shouldn't have. I'm lucky to be paying the price a little at a time sitting here with both ears ringing in different tones. But at least they are in tune...
I think there's a difference in doing something risky for the thrill of it, and doing it for the sake of helping others. If the scenario you posted was done because he thought he was invincible, then yeah, that's stupid. But if it was done with the mentality of saving another, I'd say that's heroic. Again, and I'm not trying to be stubborn/naive/immature, but isn't that preoccupation with 'not letting yourself be stupid about it' contradictory with the dangerous aspect of an activity?
One is reckless the other is not. People will make excuses about being caught up in the moment etc, but if they really understood what was on the line, most of them wouldn't do it at all. The thing about risk is hat you need to approach it systematically. I didn't jump on the back of an 1100 CC sport bike my first time out. I worked up to it, got good and when I got the bike I went in with both eyes open. That's what really takes guts, by the way, it's knowing what can happen and doing it anyhow. That's my point about the guy, too. He could have looked out for himself and still got those guys to safety - just like the oxygen mask on the airplane, yous first and then someone else's. If you go down, the other person is going down anyhow. You can help more people by taking care of yourself and then helping.
I think we're getting into a different discussion here. I believe I'd sacrifice my own life in order to save another. But I have no idea, I've never been in that circumstance. Ah, I see your point. Good analogy with the airplane mask.
I agree with you on this part. And while I can see that it was reckless now, it still seems heroic to me. At least to some extent.
I'm 20 as well. I like hearing about all of this. I feel like I'm on a good track. What I do is always look on the bright side, laugh a lot, think a lot, take time to appreciate the smallest things. My mental health is the most important thing to me
I am 27 years beyond 20. It's difficult to remember myself at that age. Time has a way of smoothing rough pavement, connecting day to scar to open book. When I look back, I see a young woman in transition, moving from childhood to adulthood, the way I move from adulthood to crone now. I can speak another language, can play banjo. I can do so many more things today than I could at 20. If I look at the knowledge I've collected, the facts and figures, honesty, none of it matters. There is only one thing I can say that I know for sure, one thing that makes a difference to me today. If I could go back in time and leave a written message for that 20-year-old woman, it would say this: Dear Birdie,
The sun rises every day. Never forget.
Love,
Someone who cares
I feel as if I'm in that transitional phase, but no one else around me is. Every other 20 year old seems to have themselves figured out. Now, if that's naive of them, I don't know. One way or another, it's lonely.
Considering I'm 20 now, I anticipate learning a lot from this thread.
Hi there - btw, I followed your what makes you happy thread and it made me happy just seeing all the discussion and support. Here is what I really know that my 20-year-old self did not know: the restless longing continues all your life, and that's a good thing. Have goals, have projects, engage with the world as much as possible I want an Earth full of wonder and mystery
you wrote. Let that restless longing drive you. We think that we journey uphill to get to the top of the mountain -- but that's not it. We need a mountaintop in order to have a journey. The journey itself IS the destination, is your life... but I probably wouldn't have had a clue what I'm talking about when I was 20.
I was so encouraged by the response there, it really has turned my mentality around about a lot of things. This site in general has aided in my becoming more happy. And that's something that I've heard so often but I don't think it's ever resonated so much to me as it just did.
I posted this video in this thread and it follows the same train of thought. Like the title of the video, Growing is Forever. And I know that. I'm not sure what it is about myself that so often forgets this simple truth.
I like the thought about endless longing. Throughout our lives we will be longing for all sorts of different things. My goal at age twenty is to find new hobbies and things I like that I can continue doing throughout my life. My end goal in life is to open a restaurant, own a few dogs, have a nice wife, and be happy. And as always, listen to music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBDF04fQKtQ
Well I'm not so sure yet, I'm a huge food-ophile and I love cooking almost everything. But I'd like it to be a small family run thing in a local community where I know everybody. Hopefully near the coast, so hints of seafood, hearty soups, rich home-made flavors with fresh food. It's my endless dream. I like that color also, teal is my favorite, and that reminds me of seafoam green, which reminds me of the ocean, which reminds me of longing and wonder. Haha it all fits!
Also why I checked in. I'm only 22, but man since I was 20 I would consider myself so much less stupid. The biggest thing I think for me is trying to understand myself so I can tailor my life to fit me. It also helps to identify your problems, with everything from your day to day routine to interactions with others. Then work towards correcting them.
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I always associate that strictly with those who go to AA Meetings, but it's true in every aspect I suppose.
"A flashlight", I like that. What do I know now? The old saying "everyone puts on their pants the same way", comes to mind. Bill Clinton poops, so does the Dalai Lama, they're just humans. I used to put people up on pedestals when I was 20, professors, employers, politicians, artists and now everyone that I meet, I do so on even ground. Another thing that I've recently realized is that as a young man I would often discuss topics I already knew a lot about when in a social setting. This made me feel smart, proud and important. Now I would much prefer to talk about a topic I know little about with someone else that knew a lot. It's far more interesting to ask questions than to answer them imo.
Thank you for this. It's always daunting to think of what others have done and end up thinking, "I'd never be able to do anything like that." But they start their days putting on pants, just as I do.
You know, Astral, that's a pretty good lesson at any age. Surround yourself with people who care about your feelings. Lose the ones that only care about their own feelings. thenewgreen -- I think you'll be impressed with 14-year-old Astral's comment.
It's funny, I was just about to respond very similarly. So much of life is who you surround yourself with. Increasingly as you get older you'll have more say in this. Surround yourself with negative people and the world will seemingly suck. Surround yourself with thoughtful and active people and the world will be your oyster as they say. Good luck Astral, glad to have you in our ranks.
A little more obvious and straightforward: don't try to deep fry anything in your skivvies, it's going to be painfully awkward to explain at the hospital, no matter how much you're craving said fried food. A little less obvious and straightforward: I dropped the pot because I tried to do something beyond my own ability, get help when you need it, and learn that it doesn't make you any less of a person if you have to ask for help.