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- “I think there was a part of me that was resentful toward, like, men as a phylum because of how much I felt gender had written the script in my marriage,” she says. Dating women was refreshing not least because, she adds, “you get rid of assumptions or defaults.” Steaming her wife’s shirt, for example, “can be a gesture of love and care because she’s super-nervous about her first day, rather than I’m expected to do this because of patriarchy.”